[6 / 2 / ?]
Quoted By: >>16383152 >>16383566
Hey /adv/. 20 year old here. I don't know what my problem is, nor do I know how I can go about to turn that around.
I know I'm not all that interesting. Not really that funny. I could crack a good one every now and then and i probably have to resort to being offensive to be funny which may or may not backfire. But in general I came to believe I'm not all that... interesting. I didn't have that much of a good childhood. It was so bleak and depressing i didnt have much room to better develop myself.
When I finally got out of that certain hellhole once and for all... I just became depressed all the way up to this point. I don't have many friends. All I do is play video games and be a hermit. I'm sure I'm socially retarded. I cant try to muster up the courage to go around and be more social. People tell me to "speak up more" as if its so easy. At least it's not for me, mentally. Whenever I'm quiet people think I'm shy (I'm really not, just can't think of anything to say) and that's a negative, but whenever I say something it's something stupid or weird and people just rule me off as being...off. I'm always beating myself up over stuff like this. There's no gray area. I went to the fair yesterday with a couple so I was that 3rd wheel. They didn't want to go on rides, also the fact that theyre...big. so they went to zoos, food, etc. I rode rides by myself. It was pretty depressing no matter how much fun it was.
My 1st relationship I just happened to be lucky. She was everything I was looking for in a woman. I royally fucked it up because i became paranoid. Haven't been in a relationship since then. I long to just open up to someone, and they just hold me and comfort me. I don't even want sex. Just that feeling that I'm not alone. But i am alone. I feel suicidal. And the worst part is no one's there to help me.
This is more of a vent than anything. I guess. But i guess my question would be: what advice would you give me for something like this?
I know I'm not all that interesting. Not really that funny. I could crack a good one every now and then and i probably have to resort to being offensive to be funny which may or may not backfire. But in general I came to believe I'm not all that... interesting. I didn't have that much of a good childhood. It was so bleak and depressing i didnt have much room to better develop myself.
When I finally got out of that certain hellhole once and for all... I just became depressed all the way up to this point. I don't have many friends. All I do is play video games and be a hermit. I'm sure I'm socially retarded. I cant try to muster up the courage to go around and be more social. People tell me to "speak up more" as if its so easy. At least it's not for me, mentally. Whenever I'm quiet people think I'm shy (I'm really not, just can't think of anything to say) and that's a negative, but whenever I say something it's something stupid or weird and people just rule me off as being...off. I'm always beating myself up over stuff like this. There's no gray area. I went to the fair yesterday with a couple so I was that 3rd wheel. They didn't want to go on rides, also the fact that theyre...big. so they went to zoos, food, etc. I rode rides by myself. It was pretty depressing no matter how much fun it was.
My 1st relationship I just happened to be lucky. She was everything I was looking for in a woman. I royally fucked it up because i became paranoid. Haven't been in a relationship since then. I long to just open up to someone, and they just hold me and comfort me. I don't even want sex. Just that feeling that I'm not alone. But i am alone. I feel suicidal. And the worst part is no one's there to help me.
This is more of a vent than anything. I guess. But i guess my question would be: what advice would you give me for something like this?
