I've been suicidal for the past 5 or so years. Thinking of it quite constantly, attempted twice....but I guess I am too much of a pussy to puss out on life. I guess I'll have to tell you why

Growing up, my mom was a drunkard who would put her beer and cigarettes before her kids. One time she forgot to buy gas and blew her check on beer. One year, she was going to buy wood for our wood burner, she sold the wood for profit and bought beer. That was a cold winter.

My dad wasn't around at all. My sister fucked any guy who moved, and I was an uncle by the time I was 8. My brother who is now dead, pretty much had legit autism.

growing up I was told it was my fault mom couldn't have kids since she had a hysterectomy soon after I was born (She was 38 when I was born). I was also told constantly that I was only born for the welfare, my only existence was for a bigger government check.

Food was another thing. If I wanted a second helping, I was denied. Mom would cook enough for 8 people, and My brother ate for 3. I was only allowed 1 serving at all times. I didn't eat lunch at school until my school called mom and made a stink about it. After that, I was given $20 for a month, so $1 a day for lunches.

Pretty much I had to be an adult before I stopped thinking girls had cooties.

School was't much better. I was bullied near daily. People would tell me to kill myself, I'd be beat up on the bus (bus driver didn't do shit), my shit stolen, etc.

Everything I have, I earned. I've never had my birthday celebrated, I rarely got things for christmas, usually just money (while my siblings got gifts).

My only escape was video games, TV and movies. I really enjoyed the 80s slasher kind of movie, and I got into Star Trek

My uncle Terry (who is also dead) got me a gameboy and a copy of Pokemon at a family reunion. I learned the mew glitch and cloning glitch, and I sold the mews for cash.

They only thing I ever had given to me was my cousins stuff when he got tired of it.
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