I've decided it's time to finally off myself, I really just hate my life and everything/everyone around me. I felt the same way in HS, and I told myself that I'd wait to see if college was better before I did anything, but it's even worse here. All of my HS friends are having a great time, and I just feel completely empty and broken, haven't made any meaningful friends that I actually like, haven't so much as kissed anyone since I fucking got here, meanwhile I watch all these ugly motherfuckers that I know I'm better than score all the time and taunt me for it. I don't believe in an afterlife, and I just want to slip into sweet nothingness forever, it sounds so fucking good right now.
But anyway, that's not the point of this post. I'm in college, so I don't have access to anything really lethal. Also, I know that this is going to fuck up my parents emotionally, so I need to know what preparations I can make to decrease the emotional toll I'll take on them, as well as anything I can do to make it easier on them in general, like financially or whatever. Also, what's the most reliable, quick, painless way other than gunshot? I smuggled a combat knife to school (because of my fear of school shooters), but I can't come up with a good way to use that that won't hurt like a motherfucker. I'm wondering if it would be best to drop out of college then kill myself at home? Cheers.
