I'm due to start taking Seroquel for bipolar. My problem is that I have to work two jobs to survive and one job stresses me out to the point that I'm up all night and stressed which is what brings on the bipolar symptoms. It's not a simple case of "just get a better job then" because I need both to be able to survive and have to stay with one job because I am very erratic in my personality, constantly jumping between jobs which does not look good on my resume. I need consistency which is what I lack in all areas of life. I want to seriously hurt myself and die, most of the time. It's been like this for so long that I've forgotten what normal is. No motivation to do anything, so much pain inside, crying, aversion to people. I can't go on like this. I'm 25 and since my early 20s, I've had the strong feeling that I'm going to kill myself one day. I can put it off but it is definitely going to happen. Every day is a struggle and I can't get out of bed most days. Now I'm scared from reading about people who hallucinate and have crazy side effects on it. I'm at my wits end and don't know what to do any more.

The slightest thing affects me and can set me off. I'm sick of being fragile, I just want to be strong. My friend died of cancer at the age of 22 recently and it made me want to go out and be there for people more but I feel like I'm unable to do anything.