I'm going to look into getting insurance for next year, but it seems unlikely I'll be able to afford it. And that doesn't help me right now. I need help. Serious professional help. If I don't get it I'll probably keep hurting myself and maybe even attempt suicide again.

But it's hard finding help that's actually helpful. Over the past like decade or more of my life I've seen a bunch of therapists. None of them helped. It seemed we just sat there for an hour once per week and talked about how things were going without actually addressing any of my issues. They were all like this.

There's a place I want to call today I hope. Really hope I call. They say sliding scale for uninsured will cost $75. I hope they can get it down to $75. Not that I can afford it even there, I'm begging my mom for the money even though I'm in my late 20s. And she involved my dad saying he should pay for some too, which was very embarrassing and difficult for me.

Idk what to do anymore.