Hey /adv/. My depression causes me to want to kick the people I love out of my life for their safety. My girlfriend just fell asleep after balling for half an hour because this is like the 8th time I've done this. Basically we were supposed to see eacother this Halloween, for the first time in 3+ weeks. I was upset and told her to skip this weekend and let me stay home so she could have a good Halloween. She reluctantly said ok after I tried 30 minutes of convincing her. Then I got extremely upset and yelled at her, basically saying 'I'm just venting you aren't supposed to agree' she started balling because she just wanted to spend the weekend with me and she thought I was failing a break up. We are resolved now, but I need to fix my issues.

How can I stop believing that everyone is better off? I've blasted through relationships in days because I tell them to leave when I'm upset, just to hopefully feel the pleasure of them refusing to leave. How do I stop being selfish in my depression and/or sadness? How do I make it so my gf can actually bear me when I'm in a bad mood?
How do I stop being poisonous?