My grandma died 4 years ago, I was eighteen at the time and she was 86. I loved her very much. I have normal family, my mum is very caring and supportive person and dad is okay too, but I had special connection with my grandma. She lived through the war so she told me many, many stories. She planted in me love towards books and gardening, and great many things. In the twilight of her life she was very weak and sick. When she was at home I was taking care of her but then they took her to hospital and I was supposed to visit her next day (the day she was taken I had 12 hours shift at work), but she died. I didn't get to say goodbye.

I know it reads like a diary but my real problem here is that I can't deal with her death. Most of the time it's fine but from time to time it hits me anew that she's gone and it hurts so, so much. I miss her teribbly and I regret not being a better granddaughter. I can be fine and then I remember her and completely lose it.

Tl:dr how to deal with death of a beloved person when time doesn't help?