I'm in the pits. I've given life my all. I was taking classes at a community college for 2 years,had a good job that I worked hard at. I had a great boyfriend that I loved very much. Two months ago, I blew up at work and quit my job, quit school, went full-retard and dumped my boyfriend. Blew all my savings on food and distractions. Now, I live with my family, playing video games and gym for one more month.

I miss it. Working and being able to shag someone who really cared about me. I felt like I made it. But I remember that when I had it, none of it seemed right.

I don't want to be in this hole. I thought about joining the army as a sure fire way of getting out fast. Things looked really promising until my recruiter found out I had a criminal record from back when I was a kid. There's even notes from my probation officer describing me as depressed. Now the recruiter won't answer my calls. I had people always say be straight up to them and they'll help you out. nope

I don't know what to do. I know the longer I stay in this room, the harder it'll be to get out. I don't know. I've applied for other jobs, started seeing other people, but my taste for everything has lessened and I don't know if it's depression or time. The fire isn't there. I'm 21, burnt out. a bum

And I'm worried that, even if I do manage to pick myself up,eke out a living, what's to stop me from self-destructing again?

pls help. sorry for all the words