Okay, so lately I've been falling into the idea that maybe I wasn't meant to be happy. Maybe I was just meant to struggle just to get by while everyone else flourished around me. Like I was never meant to find love, purpose, and all that noise.

The idea of being truly happy just seems so foreign to me because I've never felt it. I've had girlfriends before but it always falls apart and they always end up leaving me. I do everything I can to make the girls I date feel loved and appreciated but it's never enough.

So maybe I wasn't meant to find someone. Okay. But even making friends is hard for me. When I meet people it feels like they see some ugly part of my soul that I don't know about and it just turns them off. Women especially. I don't have any female friends. They all just act like they're repulsed by me. I can chat up girls in bars and such, even get phone numbers but it never goes anywhere.

Knowing this, what can I do to make the most of my life? I have a sister that I care about deeply. Should I just devote the rest of my life to making sure she and my nephew are happy?