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Learn to tie a double-windsor, half-windsor is a pleb knot. Ditch the trilby. Hop on the treadmill and cut down on your sugars and starches.
Take the time to work on yourself, and adjust accordingly. You don't have to be some self-loathing loser, anon.
Take yourself less seriously bud. Smile more, you're far from ugly or hopeless.
I believe in you.