I'm a fuckup because i'm a lazy piece of shit with no motivation. The last two years of my life have barely changed from when i graduated highschool.
>Kissless virgin at 20
>Anti-social
>Spend 90% of my time on my computer
>No urge to get up and change anything unless I absolutely have to
>6/10 at most, skinny but nothing worthwhile about my body
I failed most of the community college classes i've taken in the past two years because I barely did any of my schoolwork (Classwork was my only saving grace, I probably only did a total of 1-2 hours of homework) and I skipped many of my classes to get high with my friends. I could never sit down and think "Ok, let's get this shit done" because I didn't care enough about passing.
Whenever I got dropped from any of my classes, I would go to the library and read/go on the computers for the duration of my class, then i'd leave at the appropriate time. Other times I would come home early after doing the same thing and i'd say "Oh we had a test today, we got let out early".
6 months ago I tried to kill myself but I feel like I subconsciously planned to "survive" the suicide attempt so that I could have an out when my lies about school came back to haunt me (I.e, I blamed failing my classes on the depression and having no motivation; It worked). After all, when people find out you attempted to kill yourself, you tend to get a lot of sympathy.
I also think i'm losing my mind, due to the fact that I believe that this life is a simulation I willingly entered at some point in the future. I don't have any hard evidence for this but I remember that the day after I first started thinking this, I was presented with an online survey that read "Do you believe that life is a simulation?", or something along those lines. I think of coincidences as either bugs in the system or the system presenting me with things i've thought of recently.
