I'm sure all of this is already in y'all's blood. But you know, I figured I should write it down for all the noobs out there. They need to learn how to behave properly as a luser.

If something doesn't work for you, tell yourself that you don't really need it anyways.
Convert at least five others to user your distribution of choice. Even against their will. Do whatever it takes. Lie about how it makes such a great OS. Tell them the people at the NYSE use it. Tell them it gets less viruses. Tell them it runs on their toaster, so it's awesome. If they resist, here's some things you can do:
Do NOT research Microsoft security technologies. Instead, just point solely to Windows 95 and UAC as examples of poor security on Windows
Tell them that they can install thousands, no millions, of apps with a single command.
Tell them that they'll have choice. Do not tell them that they'll have to make tons of choices which they know nothing about.
If they are non-programmers, tell them that it's a fantastic opportunity to get into programming and spend hours and hours to make their system work.
Question their manhood or womanhood.
Accuse them of spreading FUD.
If they're Mac users, accuse them of blatant homosexuality. Then tell them that they're spending way too much money. Show them your wobbly windows.
If they point out that they won't be able to do something that they could before, tell them that they didn't really need to do that anyways.
A year later, convert them to your new distribution of choice.
When you have a configuration problem, do one or more of:
File a bug, without doing any research on the problem.
If you're really in the mood, find a totally unrelated bug, and post a comment along the lines of, "Hey, I think this might be related ..."
If you're actually partially smart and have found the appropriate bug report, post a comment saying 'Me too!'.