Quoted By:
>be american
>go to restaurant to eat fourth dinner
>tip waiter
>was on diet, but decided to get a special treat since I walked to the bathroom yesterday as part of my exercise plan
>order chili and "CBass", must be some new age french music, everything is spelled completely wrong, probably french
>see ridiculously small portioned strips of white burger meat
>green, rounded, limp cheetos, must be new green chile flavor
>coca-cola sauce, scrumptious
>wait
>shocked
>....
>start sweating, grease blocks eyes
>breathing becomes labored
>squint at food
>panic
>turn to waiter
>tip waiter
>whew, breathing slows to normal, creaking groan of an asthmatic mega-cargo ship
>smell meal, careful not to hyperventilate
>it's disgusting, but it must be all they have to eat in india
>ask for ketchup
>he looks at me like I've just insulted him, explain to him what ketchup is
>he leaves, returns with bottle of ketchup
>tip waiter
>it isn't enough for my meal, they must be doing poorly with all the customers being brown and anorexic, most couldn't weigh at least 200lbs
>decide to eat
>start with giant ball of flimsy, unfried mozzarella sticks
>it's literally just cheese sticks that have been peeled into a ball
>fucking terrorists
>take bite
>it's too firm and turns into mush after chewing
>start to realize the cheese isn't american
>yell for waiter
>"care-its" he says
>ask him what makes them caring, and if he has any other snack to put on my food
>he looks confused, then starts explaining what it is
>he says it's called a "vegetable", and it's an "orange" plant that you eat
>have heard of """"""""vegetables"""""""", dismissed years ago as conjecture made by left-wing food conspiracy theorists trying to disguise different types of grass and lawn as """"""food""""""
>ask him if he gets paid to poison hard working americans
>management tells me to leave
>tip management
>insult restaurant
>personal assistant helps me into quadruple-wide truck
>go home
>get shot
