Bottom-Shelf-Scotch edition

>yada yada yada u guise no da rools

A COUNTRY lad went up to a man who was ploughing in a field near the highway, and said, "I say, man, I've coupit ma cairt." "Coupit your cairt ; that's a pity ; where is it, and what was on it?" "It's doun on the road yonner, an' it was a cairt o' hay. Div ye think ye can come an' help me tae lift it?" "Oh yes, I'll come as soon as I can, but I can't leave my horses here in the middle o' the field ; as soon as I can get to the headrig, I'll come an' help you." "Div ye no think ye can come the noo?" he said, scratching his head. "No, I'm sorry, but I'll come as soon as I can." "Aweel," he said, in a tone of resignation, "I maun just wait then, but I wad hae likit that ye could hae come the noo, for the hanged thing is that ma faither's below't!"

>Bonus points if you can translate that rural Scottish speak into real English.