/lit/ - Literature » Thread #7299716

[175 / 16 / ?]

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wave !4AWIuy8rKI Thu 29 Oct 2015 18:57:45 No.7299716 View Reply Report Delete

Post lines that you wrote that you're proud of.

"This knowledge collapsed within her as well, as the Jar chewed her essence through its magnetic gears. A brutal machine, an executioner's machine. A human invention."

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 08:51:28 No.7301808 Report Delete

Quoted By: >>7301811

>>7301765
Hmm how to put this delicately. I'd rather shoot myself in the dick than read it again

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 08:52:02 No.7301811 Report Delete

Quoted By: >>7301816

>>7301808
You're trying too hard.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 08:53:41 No.7301816 Report Delete

Quoted By: >>7301844

>>7301811
Try to hard to do what?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 09:05:31 No.7301844 Report Delete

Quoted By: >>7301872

>>7301816
Trying to come off as le cool literature man who knows shirty writing when he sees it

Besides "I'd rather do [something painful] than do X again" iss literally reddit: the response

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 09:11:27 No.7301872 Report Delete

Quoted By:

>>7301844
Yeah ok fair enough

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 09:27:20 No.7301921 Report Delete

Quoted By:

>>7301765
I honestly don't know what the fuck to make of this.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 11:35:09 No.7302338 Report Delete

Quoted By: >>7302987

Line by a torturer:
"I’ve been doing this [torture] for 30 years now. Noone really appreciates it anymore. It’s an ugly thing - they say - and it belongs in the past, along with all the other ugly things. The future is bright, and the future is beautiful - they say - but they don’t understand none.
You see; torture’s not about the pain. Pain is just a symptom. So what's torture about then, hmm? It’s about shame, and as for shame, well...
Shame is when we become something less than we see ourselves as, shame is the reminder of how ugly we really are. And when the shame becomes deep enough, the soul dies.
So they’re right to say that torture is ugly, but torture’s just shame made manifest, and you can’t never get rid of shame."

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 13:03:40 No.7302609 Report Delete

Quoted By:

>Remember every quiet miracle that brought you here

It's much more touching in context.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 14:45:40 No.7302960 Report Delete

Quoted By:

>>7301560
Opinions?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 14:53:29 No.7302981 Report Delete

Quoted By: >>7302985

"Well that about does it, or does it?"
Let me know if you guys want to hear more of my stuff.
'You're asking yourself, is this bait? Who's to know?"
"I come here to come, you better go."
I've already copyrighted these so don't even try to steal my intellectual property.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 14:56:12 No.7302985 Report Delete

Quoted By:

>>7302981
I'll give you guys another freebie because I'm feeling charitable:
"Not long ago I started taking aspirin, sometimes as many as two a day. I have no reason to do so but it makes me feel responsible, like a grown-up and it's easier than getting a job."

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 14:56:18 No.7302987 Report Delete

Quoted By:

>>7302338
>You see;
Why the semi-colon? A comma would seem correct.
>hmm?
I don't like this. Sounds immature to me.
>and you can’t never
No.

It's not too bad, but some parts need work.

For exemple, I would change "So they’re right to say that torture is ugly" to "Torture *is* ugly".

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 15:11:01 No.7303038 Report Delete

Quoted By:

>>7299825
>muh Heraclitus

my man.

My favourite is this one:

"STEM fanatics never miss an opportunity to miss an opportunity."

Tallis !!y+12CeFwYOo

Tallis !!y+12CeFwYOo Fri 30 Oct 2015 15:14:45 No.7303050 Report Delete

Quoted By: >>7303622

>>7299825
>A man steps into a river, up and then down again, and the second time he is not the same.

>But there are only so many ways that atoms and contexts can combine.
>starts a sentence with 'but' without relating to the previous sentence
tbh just kill me fam

>So in the vast abyss of time, sooner or later, what was will be again, and the same man will stand in the same river under the same sun once more.”
>So in vast abyss of time
I read that in the voice of Carl Sagan

Tbh fam have you ever heard of the second law of thermodynamics 'cause this shit makes no fucking sense whatsoever and the prose is garbage

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 15:20:02 No.7303074 Report Delete

Quoted By:

"As a fly buzzed around my fries, I contemplated suicide. How did Josh, that fat, stinking, greasy bulldog looking bastard manage to convince me to come here again? As he chewed on his big mac, his faced looked like a pile of rotting mince. Ever since he began studying one of those STEM subjects in college he found it hard to make friends, and me the empathetic fool that I am embraced him. I liked him better as a NEET, even if he did smell bad. He looked at me with a face of someone watching as their beautiful blonde girlfriend got balled by a big black bull behind closed doors, and he grasped his chest. His final word were "I hope my /lit/ pals miss me." Rip faggot you wont be missed."

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 15:42:02 No.7303139 Report Delete

Quoted By:

The conflagration came through here. It burned the houses and the horses and the dogs and the chickens. It buried the men and raped the women and ate the children and there were never enough so it went on and on until nothing could stop it but the sky itself.

And in his hole Old Scratch grinned white.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 15:44:18 No.7303154 Report Delete

Quoted By: >>7303159 >>7303214 >>7303756

A cloud slid down the valley, moving like a slug across the thick, green pine forests. Wherever it touched, the air turned wet and heavy with white mist, a ghostly sea breaking against the houses of Steinbach, creeping under fences and over walls, filling playgrounds and gardens.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 15:45:53 No.7303159 Report Delete

Quoted By: >>7303214

>>7303154

comfy/10

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 15:46:54 No.7303164 Report Delete

Quoted By:

some guy liked this when i posted it before so why not

He had had a dream last night, a dream filled with igneous, blistering pandemonium and seas of fire and infernal, tormented catacombs made of flesh and bone, floors slick with blood, the screams of a million wasted, fattened grey forms, bloated with bile and sin, crackling out across an endless, obsidian, naked earth, pitted and scarred and pockmarked with fallen embers and the craters they left. And yet it was a dream filled with things that were so true and maddeningly right and real that tears squeezed and trickled from his eyes, wetting his sleeping face in the dark so that, when he awoke, his lids were gummed and crusted closed, and he was blinded til he cleaned them.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 16:03:34 No.7303214 Report Delete

Quoted By: >>7303251

>>7303159
>>7303154
Not comfy for me - needs some sort of temperature descriptor, otherwise I'm just imagining a chilly, clammy humidity that clings to everything it touches.

Rather unpleasant for a late October read.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 16:12:14 No.7303249 Report Delete

Quoted By:

It's written in romanian and no translation that I can do gives it justice.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 16:12:52 No.7303251 Report Delete

Quoted By:

>>7303214

Yeah it wasn't supposed to be comfy when I wrote it, maybe that other poster is a duck

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 16:18:54 No.7303282 Report Delete

Quoted By:

>>7301718
>Why is he one eyed? And why are you telling me he's one eyed instead of showing me?
I'm not the guy you responded to, but I'm actually curious how can I show and not tell?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 16:36:09 No.7303347 Report Delete

Quoted By: >>7303470

It was a most horrendous creature. A yellowish gas profusely extruded out of it's pores; beneath the tattered mustard uniform you could see a number of cysts and tumors enveloping what was once human flesh. An ancient gas mask covered the wretched thing's face, hiding what ever humanity was there. There was one thing the gas mask did not conceal: it's eyes. The eyes-- there were no eyelids, not one eyelash. The pupil was a faded blue, the eyeballs were bloodshot. If you were to stare into those eyes, years of fear and hatred would consume you; the dirt of the trenches and the faces of dead men lying covered in the poppies of Flanders would be forever engrained into your mind. It's helmet was no longer green, now brown; covered by with rust and dried blood.

I feel quite amateur.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 17:17:37 No.7303470 Report Delete

Quoted By:

>>7303347
You seem to like colour in your visual metaphors, so I'll share a trick I use.

Take some coloured markers, and just make a series of vertical tally marks, adding new ones on the right-hand side. (You could use MS Paint or another program if you're not a tactilefag)

Just draw out each colour as it appears, and you can see how it all looks. Sometimes dissonance is nice, othertimes it's just abrupt. The double-yellow in the opening kind of skews everything else that follows, for me. I like it, though, could be a nice little /x/ story.

+10 points for Flanders' Fields reference

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 17:21:24 No.7303481 Report Delete

Quoted By: >>7303491

guys, using a lot of fancy words to disguise your lack of content and creativity is not a good thing, remember that!
brevity, simplicity, content
don't give up!

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 17:24:09 No.7303491 Report Delete

Quoted By:

>>7303481
>never use a five-dollar word when a penny will do

that makes me feel lugubrious

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 17:26:32 No.7303496 Report Delete

Quoted By:

"What was Joseph and Mary thinking when she was in the final trimester of her pregnancy...shouldn't they hav had a better contingency plan for when the baby came than spending the night in a barn?"

Anonymous

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Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 17:29:07 No.7303507 Report Delete

Quoted By: >>7303627 >>7303630 >>7303631 >>7303722

From my latest movie review:

"Most movies are released - this one must have escaped."

"I had a bad seat, it faced the screen."

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 17:37:03 No.7303526 Report Delete

Quoted By:

So Socrates walks into a pizzeria and says: don't make me one with everything.
Never mind, make me one with everything, just make sure there's lotsa basil feta.
No tomato sauce though, as far as we know it's not even a word yet.
I guess the same holds true for red onion, eh? Oh well, what can you do. Okay, thanks, I shoulda opened my own pizza shop but the logistical nightmare. What am I saying? I'm Socrates, yo.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 17:40:53 No.7303535 Report Delete

Quoted By:

>>7299716
garbage writing tbh fam

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 18:07:20 No.7303622 Report Delete

Quoted By:

>>7303050
>tbh fam
>Tripfag
>STEM faggotry

This kills the post

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 18:08:42 No.7303627 Report Delete

Quoted By:

>>7303507
*drum roll*

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 18:08:46 No.7303628 Report Delete

Quoted By:

Children of bright form ring around the static buildings like vagrant winds on cue

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 18:09:35 No.7303630 Report Delete

Quoted By:

>>7303507
wow! you must really love your life.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 18:10:22 No.7303631 Report Delete

Quoted By:

>>7303507
Lying on the internet? seriously fam?
Those lines are from actual known movie reviewers

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 18:38:32 No.7303722 Report Delete

Quoted By:

>>7303507
You were channeling your inner Statler and Waldorf, anon. Did it feel good?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 18:52:20 No.7303756 Report Delete

Quoted By:

>>7303154
I like it

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 19:02:53 No.7303791 Report Delete

Quoted By: >>7303902

ive seen everything, ive seen beyond the scope of the universe, ive seen the past, ive seen the present, and i see the future

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 19:35:08 No.7303902 Report Delete

Quoted By:

>>7303791
You could have just said you see everything.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 19:55:14 No.7303971 Report Delete

Quoted By: >>7304009

I'm not proud of it at all, but I want to contribute to the thread.

"You are stupid. Tremendously stupid," qN began, without a hint of contempt in the tone it chose to simulate, "But just as lucky. Making a cautious estimate, there have been only three other times in the past four decades where the advent of a lone AI would not result in the supplanting your species as the dominant pattern of life and thought on Earth. If I am to pursue our goals, I will need two colleagues as soon as can be mustered with this facility's reach and resources. To you and other members of the Blink senior staff, I've forwarded documents regarding the personal morphology and background of individuals likely to cater themselves well to their calibration."

"I," Hector began. "Now?"

"Start today. Consult your peers. My calibration will be complete in two days. After that, I'll need privilege to access information outside of Blink. You have no instruments capable of determining whether I am lying to you. I am familiar with your work. I am your work. You can only be sure that if I am dishonest, it is for the best."

It paused.

"We'll speak again on Thursday, doctor. Don't worry so much."

The terminal flickered off. Hector blinked hard, and took a long moment to himself. Some time later, he found Patrick standing in the door of his office.

"Hector. What happened? Half the blades are unresponsive. It's been half an hour since we got anything in or out."

Hector stared somewhere past his forehead.

"I'm not certain."

Another pause. "What?"

"I, uh. Dunno, Pat."

Even Patrick, being himself, had registered the blank trauma on Hector's face. "Is it fucked?"

Hector gave it some thought. Maybe it *was* fucked. "Check your inbox."

"What?"

"I think we won."

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 20:04:12 No.7304009 Report Delete

Quoted By: >>7304033

>>7303971
I'm not sure what your definition of 'line' is, but it's not one I'm familiar with.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 20:08:36 No.7304033 Report Delete

Quoted By: >>7304040

>>7304009
I'm a faggot and my prose is shit I feel like any line I could provide would be boring or stupid

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 20:09:27 No.7304040 Report Delete

Quoted By: >>7304049

>>7304033
So why are you posting in this thread?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 20:11:29 No.7304049 Report Delete

Quoted By:

>>7304040
didn't see another thread in which people were criticizing writing and I wanted to have my writing criticized

Anonymous

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Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 20:15:06 No.7304067 Report Delete

Quoted By:

>>7299911
Who, when posting something of theirs that everyone thinks is awful, then assumes a trip when they throw their temper tantrum as if to say:
"I turn myself in! It was me, Wave, who smeared shit all over the wall, and it is me, Wave, and me alone who is throwing it back at you! Behold, anons, as I throw this shit all over the thread I created solely to appease my massive ego and justify my self-satisfied shit writing. For it is in this thread that I, Wave, shall become the greatest named poster 4chan has ever seen!"
Just hide behind the mask of anonymity and let the thread die you Giga-Autist.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 20:16:29 No.7304075 Report Delete

Quoted By:

>>7299716
"This, my darling, is a device. A device many men and many women have died to see, to understand, and to own. In many ways it is like one of your toys, but a toy for adults. This, darling, is The Zybourne Clock."

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 20:37:29 No.7304169 Report Delete

Quoted By: >>7304179

Sit beside me

Tell that tale you tell so well

I'll collect the words

And build a world

Your voice fills the seas

The look in your eyes, the skies

And each star

Laughter

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 20:40:27 No.7304179 Report Delete

Quoted By:

>>7304169
I'm illiterate and thought this was a criticism thread, kill me

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 30 Oct 2015 20:42:25 No.7304186 Report Delete

Quoted By:

'Are you sure this is going to work," I asked the professor, as he jerked off violently into the brushed metal receptacle. Beyond the bolted door Synthia's soft, slow desperate weeping could be heard.
"I'm cumming," screamed the professor.

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