Because my parents had me because they had a vague idea that's what they were supposed to do instead of any actual desire to raise a child, and having to learn how to be a functional human being without any parental input was a slow painful process of trial and error that always had me learning lessons years after I needed them. By the time I was an adult, the main thing I knew about the world was that I wanted no part of it, because every single facet of it was tainted by association with two decades of pain.
Unfortunately, all the fictional worlds I seek escape in are exactly that - fictional - and all I have to do to shatter the illusion is look away from the page or monitor or television. At this point all that's keeping me from taking a nice long breath of nitrogen is my cast-iron cynicism assuring me that whatever waits after death, it'll be just as bad if not worse than my current life.
So fuck you, yellow horse. Your world stopped distracting me from the yawning emptiness of my life years ago. I just come here out of habit.
