Can you help me out with this?
Is it any good?

As another evening comes to an end
I try, i try and try and try
To comprehend
Think that everything’s here, in the palm of my hand
Oh, its so fun
To pretend

This perfect little corner of mine
The view is just fine
Sheltered from this state
Of mind
The murderer of I
Is he a friend, or an enemy?
Should I defend?
Or (just) follow this sound of threnody