[9 / 5 / ?]
Quoted By: >>54642807 >>54642889 >>54644801
I come bearing vital news for you all.
The world will soon end in a terrible cataclysm. It's impossible to know for sure when, it could happen at any time. Since it's in the future and I don't know exactly when it will be, naturally I can't prove it to you, but rest assured it's coming.
Do not despair! There is one man, the greatest ever to live, who can save us all from this impending horror. His name is Steven.
Only those who acknowledge that he is in fact the greatest person ever to live will be spared. Such people will go to a fantastical reward that I cannot prove exists because it happens to occur after you die.
The stubborn, blinkered fools who cannot see Steven's greatness and selfishly refuse to devote their lives to him will instead go to a scary, painful pit of torture which understandably I also can't prove exists because it's after you die, not much I can do about that.
All you need to do for Steven to spare you the cataclysm and the pit of torture is to sell all of your belongings, declare your undying love and admiration for Steven, and cut family members out of your life if they try to stop you.
This will of course be difficult but your rewards after death will only increase if you do! Those who leave their homes and jobs to join me in following Steven, greatest person ever to live, will receive ten times as much in recompense. After they die of course.
Once we have enough people that membership is stable, we can think about dropping some of the more burdensome requirements like selling your stuff or leaving unsupportive family, but let's cross that bridge when we come to it.
For the time being, the important thing is to aggressively spread Steven's important message and offer of mercy to as many people as possible, lest the world be destroyed before we can reach everyone.
The world will soon end in a terrible cataclysm. It's impossible to know for sure when, it could happen at any time. Since it's in the future and I don't know exactly when it will be, naturally I can't prove it to you, but rest assured it's coming.
Do not despair! There is one man, the greatest ever to live, who can save us all from this impending horror. His name is Steven.
Only those who acknowledge that he is in fact the greatest person ever to live will be spared. Such people will go to a fantastical reward that I cannot prove exists because it happens to occur after you die.
The stubborn, blinkered fools who cannot see Steven's greatness and selfishly refuse to devote their lives to him will instead go to a scary, painful pit of torture which understandably I also can't prove exists because it's after you die, not much I can do about that.
All you need to do for Steven to spare you the cataclysm and the pit of torture is to sell all of your belongings, declare your undying love and admiration for Steven, and cut family members out of your life if they try to stop you.
This will of course be difficult but your rewards after death will only increase if you do! Those who leave their homes and jobs to join me in following Steven, greatest person ever to live, will receive ten times as much in recompense. After they die of course.
Once we have enough people that membership is stable, we can think about dropping some of the more burdensome requirements like selling your stuff or leaving unsupportive family, but let's cross that bridge when we come to it.
For the time being, the important thing is to aggressively spread Steven's important message and offer of mercy to as many people as possible, lest the world be destroyed before we can reach everyone.
