>>54704144Night before I'd be drunk enough that they looked a bit better, but
hell, not much. Just enough to convince myself that enough drink and
a raging hard on will excuse _even this._ And they always know, in
their heart of hearts, no matter how great a faculty for self-delusion
they have, that you're not fucking them because you're genuinely
attracted to them. They seek reassurance and you lie, you lie, while
you know that you're gonna fuck 'em out of sheer, malignant
perversion. It's warm, it's strange enough to be a different species
and you're going to screw it because the drink has removed even the
thin veneer of civilisation that allows you to pretend you're not a
totally irredeemable sick fuck. You know that somewhere inside that
mound of quivering, hanging, shapeless fat there is a human spark,
warm, sensitive, craving love, respect and validation. The fact that
not a crumb of that will be on offer for an instant is what gives the
whole sordid mess its irresistible piquancy.
