well fuck me

so I've got major depressive disorder and over the past few months I've been really fucking depressed. A close friend of mine killed himself and I got dumped in the same weekend. Add in the fact that I live in Columbia, SC and flooding shit recently killed another person I know.

So for three weeks I just stewed about it all and it culminated into me attempting suicide in my dorm room. I got found by my roommate and was brought to a local hospital. I don't remember anything from that night. All I remember is finally feeling at peace that I was done with feeling abandoned and alone. But I woke up the next morning alive. I fucking didn't die. So now I'm on constant watch at my college, I'm considered disabled by the university and now I'm never alone.

Why couldn't they just fucking let me die. It's not like anyone really cares. And all I do is watch anime and write so it's not like I have any friends. I just want out but I'll never be alone long enough to end myself.

(They don't watch what I'm doing on my laptop but they monitor my history. thank you based incognito)