The next morning I wake up completely covered in urine. I know it's urine because it SMELLS. I know it's me because my side of the bed is soaked, and she is on the other side of the bed and only slightly wet on her side, not her crotch. [The irony of this is revolting. Not even two months earlier, a girl peed in my bed and I made fun of her ruthlessly for it. Yes the gods of alcohol obviously have a sense of humor, and yes they are using it to mock me.] 164 My bed is completely fucked up. There is piss everywhere. What do I do? Do I just accept the fact that I am an incontinent buffoon who wets his bed? No. I decide to stand against the gods, to deny them pleasure at my expense and to change their bankrupt prophecy. Tucker Max does not bow to fate. I get up and change my clothes, throwing my piss stained t- shirt into the washer. I delicately roll her onto my side of the bed, the urine soaked side, and then pour some lukewarm water on her crotch. As I do this, she starts waking up, so I shake her to confuse her and yell, "Wake up. WAKE UP!" She slowly wakes up, looks around, and is obviously still drunk. Before she can even process what is going on I tell her to look down. She sees the massive dark stain and feels her wet shirt (We both had shirts on, as we were too drunk/horny to fully disrobe before fucking). I help her out in case she is still confused: Tucker "You fucking pissed my bed. You PISSED in my BED." Girl "What?" She reached down and touched the sheets, "OH MY GOD!" Tucker "Why would you do this? Could you not find the toilet?" Girl "No ... I ... this never ... I've never ... oh dear god!" Tucker "God is not going to clean this piss up."
