What did this city do to reap all of this success?
Why Boston?
Of all cities, why do they have so much good fortune?
It really just isn't fair.

Oh, you picked some QB off the garbage heap at the end of the draft? Well you're in luck! He just so happens to be miles better than literally everyone in the sport! Better than every athlete you and every other franchise devoted their scouts' man hours to. So you barely even wanted him in the first place? Well too bad, here are three owls in four years coming your way!

Oh, you just won your first World Series in 86 years? Well, how about the next time you are in the World Series, you will get to play the biggest meme team in baseball history! You deserve it buddy!

Oh, Minnesota got tired of their Hall of Fame forward? Well, he's yours now and here's another championship for your title-starved NBA team! Congratulations!

Oh, and how about a Stanley Cup for your NHL team as well! You deserve it for all the suffering you've been through!

............

Oh what's that, you're still hungry? Well how about a couple of kebabs blow up your marathon in exchange for a karma World Series victory for your meme-constructed baseball team? You literally procrastinated and won with a roster that was put together at random! What a story!

Ok also, we forgot to tell you, here's another owl! Free of charge! We really pity you for all the suffering you've experienced! Hopefully this can cure but one ounce of your chronic despair.

ffs