Alright, so this went down in D&D Tonight.

>Group is fighting to save a town from an invading force made up of humans and kobolds
>I am playing a gnome whose is researching dragons and their kin's erogenous zones since nothing is written on it anywhere
>DM allows it because I am not going full on magical realm and instead just asking questions mainly and making the game awkward during the downtime by grilling dragon born grills about their junk.
>Try an intimidation check in Draconic
"You have already lost this day, but mercy may be given to your females if they lay down arms now and surrender."
>With modifiers and shit, I roll a 24
>One kobold drops their gear and surrenders going to a nearby building after I told her to meet me there.
>Make my way to the building
>Males get in the way
>Hit them with suped up version of burning hands
>They die horribly
>Keep on walking
>My bros are fighting the other troops while I am using slide of hand to finger blast this kobold to find out if my information from the dragonborns is accurate and works on other dragonkin humanoids.
>Make her O multiple times for the rest of the battle
>Charisma test to see how she likes the attention
>Nat
>Fucking
>20
She follows us around now and loves me to pieces while hating the rest of the party. Shit stats and all, but I use her as a small reliable pack mule and to man the cart and such while taking dick during my down time.

Need to get some drawfag on her to draw me a picture of a kobold infatuated with a gnome wizard.